toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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