He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
