Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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