You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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