Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
