Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
