i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
