he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize