why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
