She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
