...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
