Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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