He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
