Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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