Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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