when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
