at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
