I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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