using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
