I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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