a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
