Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just invented taco cereal.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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