Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
