I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
