he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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