Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
