i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
