I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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