You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
