so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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