just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
