He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
