Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
