how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize