I hope mine doesn't look like that
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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