OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
