We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
