Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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