So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
