he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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