just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize