...so i touched it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
