My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
