He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
