I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize