I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
