did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i think i just lost a toe
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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