I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
