I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
