just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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