I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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