I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
