Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
