The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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