my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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