they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When are your genitals available?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
