And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
