I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
