4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
