Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
