he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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