Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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