It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
