Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Be still, my beating vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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