So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize