party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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