Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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