I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
