is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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