some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
