Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
