i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
