You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
