last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
