It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
