id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
