you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
