i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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