I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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