i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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