There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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