Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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