i would punch a child for taco bell
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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