she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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