Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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