Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they call him Oral-B. enough said
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
