dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
