my mouth tastes like poor choices
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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