she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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