I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
