and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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