My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize