Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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