Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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