Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
