Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize