Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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