Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
