don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
