I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
