Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
