I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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