Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize