My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just invented taco cereal.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
