I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
