I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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