If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
