dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
