Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
