I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
